After Last Season
You think you've seen bad movies. You think you've seen inept movies. You think Birdemic is as bad as it gets, perhaps. Perhaps you think The Room is the worst movie ever. You, dear reader, are unprepared for the level of incompetence that is displayed in After Last Season. Not even those previously-mentioned crapfests are sufficient to ready you for After Last Season. You can still buy DVDs of The Room or Birdemic. After Last Season is a movie so bad that the internet has disavowed knowledge of the DVDs existence. Amazon at least will admit to having once had the DVDs in stock, but no idea when more will be available. Ebay? No, Ebay doesn't recognize its existence. This is a movie that was released in 2009!
After Last Season, and no one knows why it's called that other than no other movie has that title, was released in four cities and the distributor told the theaters to simply burn the film prints because it wasn't worth it to pay for shipping back. IMDB estimates this movie had a budget of 5 million dollars American. I am disinclined to believe that. You know you are in a bad situation when your movie is shot in worse locations than an X-Strike Studios movie. I love those guys, but they have literally filmed in their kitchen; the scenes in said kitchen were still shot better than ANY scene in After Last Season, to say nothing of the acting. After Last Season does not do anything right. The directing is horrible, the camerawork and editing are terrible, the acting is...turrble, the set design and props are horrendous, the music literally sounds like someone with a Casio keyboard would wander in and out during the movie and randomly pressing keys at different sound settings from time to time, just messing around, like I did when I was 10 years old. Long stretches of the movie have no score whatsoever, which makes it even more jarring when all of a sudden Mr. Casio shows up, distractedly goofs around for a few seconds and then leaves again.
Now, the worst part. This movie features long, long, stretches of what can be described as computer animation only by a very generous person, in that, it was done using a computer, and it technically is animated. This stuff looks like somebody's animation assignments from their Windows 98 class years ago. The Lawnmower Man had better animation. Better by far. I hesitate to say I could do better, but...I think maybe I could. So, have I beaten the point thoroughly enough that this movie does nothing right? Great.
The story, according to IMDB, is that there is an experimental medical technology that allows people to share images from their minds. That's where the animation comes in. Random geometric shapes, some fish wander past, and then some of the worst-looking humanoid shapes wander around, sometimes warping and distorting their shape. People blow their lines and just keep on going. According again to the summary from IMDB two interns test the device, which takes the form of attaching small post-its to their temples. Before we even get to that part, we have pointless scenes with a man being put in a cardboard and printer paper MRI machine I shit you not, two women wandering around a partially furnished apartment making improvised small talk, a guy takes a psychological survey, and it is suggested to us that there is a serial killer loose. The two interns use the imaging device to attempt to solve the murders. They somehow contact the spirit of a man who was a victim of the killer, and he is now a L33T Poltergeist, moving chairs and empty boxes around. I will give the movie one single thumb up: I have no idea how they made the chairs and crap move.
Luckily, Noah Antwiler, the Spoony One himself, did riff of this movie which is available from Rifftrax. Good luck finding the movie though. I discourage piracy, but given the fact that the DVDs are completely nonexistent, well... I will leave you to decide how to watch this movie if you ever do. The riff is only a buck by the way.
In short, I don't recommend this movie unless you are ready to mock it. Have some friends with you, have a twelve pack of the beverage of your choice, sync up the riff audio and have a fun time.